Sh#t my clients say

I thought about this post a lot before I hit publish. Here’s why.

Money is personal. Your relationship with your advisor is supposed to be personal. And if ultimately that personal relationship isn’t built on truth & trust — well, then what kind of relationship is that? But sometimes, as you may see in some of these posts, the truth can hit home & hard. You may be one of these clients or advisors. It’s supposed to be funny not because I’m really making fun of you. I’m making fun of the perceptions you’ve been taught by the incumbent Wall Street firms.

So, without further ado…he’s new series, Sh#t my clients say.

Sh#t My Clients Say

I’ve been in this business long enough to have seen both bull and bear markets begin, mature, and end. While there is really very little funny about a bear market while it’s unfolding, the unintentional comedy that results almost makes the pain worthwhile. It is my belief that there is an unlimited supply of comedy hidden in the irrationalities of our clients’ panicked/overconfident behaviors. My guess is that these posts will resonate with some, if not all of you, and my goal is that this becomes a shared forum one day….

My new weekly editorial/comedy piece on the insanity-isms of my clients begins with the following -ism:

“What do you think the market’s going to do tomorrow? Maybe tomorrow will be a better day to buy (or sell)?”

What I’m thinking:

“Do you really think I have the answer to that question? Do you really think my job is that easy? Somehow, I’m the capital markets’ equivalent of the Southern California Meteorologist? “Oh, look at that — Sunny & 70 tomorrow; again”. Wait- catch yourself. They have to THINK you know what the market’s going to do tomorrow. They are paying you to know what the market’s going to do. But I don’t know what the market’s going to do. Make something up! For the love of God just say something that sounds smart. What are some of those Series 7 vocabulary words?? Use one! You don’t even have to use it properly!”

What I want to say:

“Tomorrow is going to be a Flash Crash and we should sell everything on the open, then be prepared to get back in as soon as the Flash Crash ends, right when the VIX breaks 40. Can you be available at 11:25am?”

What I actually say:

“I think today is as good a day as any to make these changes. Remember- nothing is set in stone & we can chat again tomorrow to review things if you like. I’m always here for you. And if something comes up for you, you can always email me. How does that sound? Otherwise, we’ll talk again next week. Thanks so much for everything!”

7 thoughts on “Sh#t my clients say

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  2. BenthePrinter

    O.K. if you don’t really know where the markets going, I’m pulling my account.  Who do you know that does know, by the way?

  3. Adam Scott

    I can hook you up with a guy. He’s a client, actually. He doesn’t always act on his instincts but he always tells me how “obvious” certain moves were almost right after they happen. It’s like he has ESPN or something…. 😉

  4. Pingback: Monday links: a dangerous response

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