Superman vs. The Super Committee

November 18th, 2011, Superman flies in from the fortess of solitude to plead his case to the Super Committee:

Superman: Madam Chairman, I don’t represent any one particular country, but I’d like to address the members of the committee.

Super Committee Chairwoman Patty Murray: Well, in that case, you will need a sponsor. [all committee members raise their hands] I believe that will do. Please.

Superman: Ladies and Gentlemen for three years now, I have watched you wrangle your political process. Your problem isn’t the lack of power, it’s the selfishness that has existed throughout the pursuit.

On the far right, you have the call for fiscal restraint in the face of a mountain of promises and IOUs that you yourselves have helped to create. Your ability to distance yourself from this reality is quite impressive, you might even say ‘super.’ [the committee members laugh]

And your colleagues on the left act as is if their call for help & support to your senior citizens and the weak & weary in this time of need is the crux of their privileged position. Even as they accept the monies from the very companies who, facing the global shift of reality, are moving jobs and money abroad.

The rhetoric from both sides of the aisle is just that: words and promises designed to persuade and motivate… the problem is, most of your citizens no longer believe you because the actions have been wanting.

Ladies and Gentlemen we have a problem facing us that is bigger than your parties can encapsulate. The world today is not prepared to provide solutions for the problems of tomorrow.

And today, here, among you, in this Super Committee the people are waiting for an answer — not an answer of what we will necessarily do for the next fifty years, but a roadmap of how we will work together to find the answers. And right now, I have to tell you from my view high above the world, you’re not making enough of an effort.

No one expects the process to be easy, and certainly the choices facing you are polarizing, especially in this high season of politics. But that’s just it, you are running the country like it is a campaign, instead of coming together to find a common place to build from.

One of your greatest presidents, Abraham Lincoln, once said, “If we could first know where we are, and whither we are tending, we could then better judge what to do, and how to do it. We are now far into the fifth year, since a policy was initiated, with the avowed object, and confident promise, of putting an end to slavery agitation. Under the operation of that policy, that agitation has not only, not ceased, but has constantly augmented. In my opinion, it will not cease, until a crisis shall have been reached, and passed. A house divided against itself cannot stand. I believe this government cannot endure, permanently half slave and half free. I do not expect the Union to be dissolved — I do not expect the house to fall — but I do expect it will cease to be divided. It will become all one thing or all the other.”

The issue of slavery that faced your country in its younger years could arguably be translated into economic slavery today. And right now, your nation is clearly divided on where we are and whither we are tending…

Rep. Harseling: Superman, we appreciate your words & the time you took to fly down here, but certainly we are trying our best to make the right decisions for the American people. I wish it was as easy as flying around the world and reversing the rotation to turn back time, but unfortunately we just can’t do that & you haven’t been able to do that since your second movie.

Superman: If you were Lois Lane maybe I would. [laughter in the press corp] I hear what you are saying & I understand Representative Harseling. What I am saying is that the American people want leadership; they need it now more than ever.

My super computer at the Fortess of Solitude told me leadership is, a “process of social influence in which one person can enlist the aid and support of others in the accomplishment of a common task.” And, what I respectfully suggest to you sir, is that the American people are hungry to know what that ‘common task’ will be. They want to know if American companies will continue to shirk their taxpayer duties to their country in the name of profits. They want to know if banks will continue to be the sources of socialized losses and privatized profits, rewarding the rich and further exiling the poor with an educational system strangled by unions. They want to know, what fruit you and your fellow members will bear when you balance the scales between today & tomorrow and the haves & have nots.

I don’t expect super results, but I do expect common sense and common decency. I expect the American people would understand you operating from that place. The American people, maybe sadly, expect even less from you. [rumblings among the committee]

But you are the Super Committee, the ones delegated to exert super leadership. So I’m here today to express my concern that right now, you’re coming up a bit short.

Sen. Kerry: Superman, let me interrupt you for moment, please. I think what you are saying is wonderfully sincere and I, too, share in your concern. But most of the money we lent to those banks was actually profitable for our taxpayers [then he drones on for 20 minutes effectively saying nothing, members of congress are checking their emails and stock quotes].

Superman: Senator Kerry, with all due respect, telling me that your loans to the banks were profitable, seems like a hollow victory, much like most of what you said after that statement. [gavel bangs on the podium, grumblings in the aisles]

Let me share with you something you may not have heard before because it was in my fourth movie which no one saw, “There will be peace. There will be peace when the people of the world, want it so badly, that their governments will have no choice but to give it to them. I just wish you could all see the Earth the way that I see it. Because when you really look at it, it’s just one world.”

And as it is today, the people from around the world are finding their voice, speaking their mind, protesting the things that maybe they don’t even fully understand.

It’s your job to show them the way here in the United States, it’s your job to find the common ground in a country that was created by some of the greatest minds the world has seen. It’s your job to honor the fact that this country was built on the backs of millions of people from around the globe.

The American people are simply asking for guidance on what the common good will be; and the world is too — they want it so badly.

And so, as they wait patiently for an answer…

For the United States & the sake of the free world — I hope you provide it soon, because there’s only so much that even someone like me can do.

[Superman turns, waves to the cameras, and flies away. The nearby American flag waves majestically in the wake of his lofty exit]