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Dear John (and The Rest of Congress)

You Win. We’ve been in a long relationship together; you, me, and your AAA rating- but it’s come to this. I know you’ve stuck your neck out a mile– but tell me what you want. No more finger pointing, tell me what you want, what it will do for us, and why? In simple terms, this isn’t rocket science.

You want taxes to stay historically low for the people who make $250k or more? Ok, Fine. You want to cut entitlements for the rest of society? Done. No new corporate taxes because they’ll move all the jobs offshore? Ha, ok. No health care? Fine, they’re sick, they’ll probably die soon anyway.

What else? I’ll help you. How about more benefits to being a congressional leader?

Jets with neon runners. Pens made out of gold & ink from rare octopi. A red carpet everywhere you walk? You got it. I’ll throw in my masseuse right now; she’s very good (& inexpensive).

But you have got to give us something. Because as it is right now I have clients BEGGING me for an answer & come Monday or Tuesday or Wednesday, whenever we’re supposed to fall off a cliff as a country, I’m supposed to make a rational decision about what these 100 families are supposed to do with their money.  I, and the market, and our world partners, have been all very patient & adult-like, but now we need an answer.

What am I supposed to tell these people, who are waiting on you?

Cash? Banks are praying they’ve done enough to sure up the already rocky shores. Even money markets aren’t safe in this scenario you’ve backed us into.

Treasuries? The irony that we are actually lending our money to you through this process…

Sell Treasuries? Along with the rest of the world… that should be fun.

Stocks? I can’t imagine this is going to help the economy, your waiting to call each other’s “bluff.” I know I’m not gunning to hire more people while you hold us all hostage.

Gold? If we own anymore, we’ll need a wheel barrel.

I know, I’ll buy some options to go long volatility… I’ll love explaining the VIX to my 89 year grandmother, “does that pay dividends?”

Of course, we can just keep holding on, while you let the whole game go on…

But this isn’t a game, is it? Do you think it makes us feel better to see you tweet political barbs? This is real. People’s financial lives are at stake, it deserves more than 140 characters. Every indicator is flashing red, and here you are horse trading…Triggers.

Maybe we should move into currencies… Which offshore account is your money stashed?

You’ve had a year to figure this out– but instead you will all smile on the camera Sunday morning, with all eyes on you, as each of you hit your political party’s talking points – but exactly what are we, the people, supposed to garner?

So, tell me– what do I tell them? On Monday. What do you think Japan is going to say, then Europe? You think they’re smiling?

“Today is the day.”

You’re going to take a stand for what you believe in, for the sake of the grandchildren. I know. I remember Reagan (and every president & congressional leader since, because it’s a catchy slogan) using the same argument— and here we are.

Forget the genetically modified food, or the dwindling oil supplies, the fracking, the dying overfished oceans, drinking water with acceptable levels of rocket fuel, school lunches that are the same as we feed our prisoners, bridges to nowhere, and air that gives our kids asthma– this is your beach, this is your stand. For the grandchildren.

So here I am, here we are — sitting, waiting for congress (for you) to tell us where America is going, while you’re sitting in your gilded air conditioned offices, and fancy suits– that we, the people, are paying for.

So whatever it is that you want, I hope you have it clear in your mind– because millions (if not billions) of people are waiting for an answer.

At the least, I hope you have an answer for me & the 100 families I’m responsible for as you make your power grab for more. Whatever it is. 2012? More of the moral majority? Tell us, in clear cost/benefit analysis terms.

Because if you can’t tell us, I’m afraid I (and a lot of other people) are going to have to break up with you.

It’s not you, it’s us I suppose. Because it’s true, while you haven’t been clear about what it is you actually want and how it’s going to actually fix things… this magical $X trillion over 10 years (that’s 2 more presidents, and how many more sessions of congress?) — you have been very clear the whole time; unless we give you want you want right now, we will be left cowering in the corner & somehow we should just be happy with that.

And I can’t do that, I won’t do that– advocating staying in a relationship that’s this one-sided or abusive.

I suppose I’ll just have to tell my clients to just short it, sell it, get ready for Mad Max — buy 50 pound bags of rice & canned goods, tear up your lawn & grow a garden, get a goat — because I’ve been through bubbles, I’ve been through bubbles bursting, I’ve been through Lehman, and reckless lending, and flash crashes, earthquakes, over & under-regulation — even war — but this? Supposedly one of the greatest, most powerful countries in the world deciding not to pay it’s bills; to essentially walk away from the mortgage…

Where’s the playbook for that?

We’re listening…

See Also:

I Found A Billion Dollars, You Guys – Reformed Broker